Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
