i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
cat food counts as protein by the way
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize
