i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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