if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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