You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
