Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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