I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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