You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
