I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
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