She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
