You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
