This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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