i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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