How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
