No awkward lesbian experiences without me
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize