im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize