I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
