Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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