I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
