Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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