I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
