Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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