I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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