Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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