On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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