So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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