i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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