rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
