he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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