afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
