'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Randomize
