I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize