She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
