Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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