this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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