I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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