he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
