his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Pants are for mortals
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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