I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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