Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
