Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
