Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
