Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
