i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
