dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
