I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize