she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
