I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Ketchup is God's man juice
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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