i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
