I look better un-naked...
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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