i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
