I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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