I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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