He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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