I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
either way he was missing a nipple.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
