we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
