he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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