in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
