Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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