pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
