there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize