Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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