weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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