I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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