I bet he comes in French.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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