$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize