we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
