i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
