Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm at about main and main street
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
