I just saw a hot homeless man
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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