i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
