Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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