i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
