I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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