what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
