saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize